The Relational Paradox: The Deep Hurt of Hiding Your True Self

I have struggled with this topic for a long time, but I think it is really important to share. It’s called the Relational Paradox.

The Relational Paradox:

As humans we really want deep, fulfilling relationships.

To get these relationships we want people to like us.

But we worry that people won’t like us for who we are.

We worry we are unloveable or there are things about us that people will find unacceptable.

This causes us to hide.

We hide those parts of ourselves--maybe a secret part of our identity, maybe a troubled past, maybe a neurosis that embarrasses us.

Because we are hiding things, people feel they can’t truly get to know us. Or if they do end up liking us, we constantly worry they will find out the truth.

This leads us to a bad cycle of one unfulfilling relationship after the next.

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